Ode to the Unknown

The Experiment ~

Who or what are we when we drop everything?

When we shed all our layers.

When we let go of every single belief, concept or idea about our whole makeup, of who or what we are?

Our names

Personalities

Our spiritual beliefs

Our family roles

Responsibilities

Our dreams

Our past

Our pains

Our purpose

Even that which makes us happy and satisfied.

Simply, when we drop absolutely everything.

What’s left?

What’s left when we shed all our external layers? Everything that pertains to this life we are living. Our outer reality. Also our feelings. Simply everything that has to do with who or what we think we are.

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For the sake of experimenting, what happens if we shed our history as well. Everything that weaves us into existence as humans. Our physical, mental and emotional stories.

When we drop everything completely. What’s left?

Nothingness?

Silence?

Awareness?

Perhaps something like a scent? The fragrance of emptiness. Or perhaps something like the wind, completely see-through yet forceful? What’s left of us? Perhaps something like the love we feel for our family members when they are not around?

What lingers when there is nothing left of who we think we are? When we are embraced by the unknown. Is there void?

There is this nothingness, yet something. Something lingers. Some presence. Deep peace. Eternity, omnipresent. This primordial hum that precedes and outlives everything, yet is of nothing.

Simply space. Infinite space. Are we mostly empty space? Science seems to tell us that.

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If that is our essence, near empty space, something that is all yet nothing, sacred presence, then why are we here on earth in bodies, with personalities and our history? With all our questions and our ego-consciousness. Why?

What is the purpose? Is there a purpose?

Our reality on earth as humans, is it perhaps a cosmic experiment? Is it a school house? Is it life sensing itself, consciousness experiencing itself? Is it an opportunity to experience and share love? Is it means to an end? Or is reality perhaps completely utterly pointless outside the now?

Is there a point to evolution? Towards what then? Is there purpose or is there only movement? Is there stillness within the flow?

Is ‘The Great Enlightenment’ our unified purpose? Are we in training? Is life’s purpose to serve as a runway, the descension to then ascend? The awakening through matter? Has our existence on earth anything at all to do with spiritual order? Are we journeying here as to eventually merge completely with divinity again ~ What is divinity?

Or is what we sense simply one-off?

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I don’t know. I sincerely don’t know.

I don’t know the mysteries of purpose, where it begins or ends. Or if it even exists outside of our minds.

I could list all the answers that I’ve read about, learned, practiced and sensed myself. I could list all the different beliefs and aspects that I know of.

Then again, like before, what if we drop all those beliefs as well. For the sake of experimenting. Drop every concept, every idea we have ever had about our purpose on earth. About why we are here.

What if we as conscious humans temporarily unlearn what we (think we) know? What if we altogether drop the question, ‘what’s it all about?’ and we allow the lingering answer to evaporate? What if we let go of all preconceived ideas about what the answer could be? If we simply drop it all. Relinquish our need to unveil, define, and defend our version of the unknown. What then? What simply is?

Again, I don’t know. But I would like to share with you that I relax in not knowing. To me, too much inquiry, testing and questioning clouds my otherwise crystal clear experience of grace in the now.

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Of sensing harmony with all there is and living in gratitude towards all life, towards myself and the universe. To me, that is to live in grace. To approach life with reverence.

The mind needs very little firewood to create smoke that thick it obscures our vision of the clear blue skies of truth. So I tell myself I may have a vague inkling about the answers to the great mysteries of this world. But in all honesty, I don’t really have a clue.

Do you?

There are other things I do know though.

I do know that I’m at peace when I trust in the design of the universe, the divine unknown ~ When I drop control.

I do know, that I see myself as a thread in cosmic creation.

That I sense deeply and I imagine vividly, and that as an artist, as a human, I allow myself to express those experiences and interpretations ~ My sensations.

I know that I feel free when I’m unattached to spiritual belief systems. When I align myself with what is universal. Compassion, Peace and Harmony. The Grace in Gratitude.

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I know that I feel compelled to lend a voice to my friends of the animal kingdom. To help them. And that I feel compelled to lend a hand to Mother Earth and all her humans. That I feel happy when I see something beautiful. That I enjoy listening to music and absorbing art.

I know that the aroma of newly brewed coffee and a fresh toast can get me out of bed in the morning. And that the thought of a soft pillow and a newly washed duvet cover can get me into bed at night. That I enjoy sensing the seasonal changes and that I love the ocean on a windy day.

I know that I love to read enchanting fairy tales and that I also love thrillers, erotica and mysteries. That I can feel sad, angry and frustrated when I encounter good-hearted people who are somehow still caught in the illusion of their external world. Who are caught in the illusion of separateness. Of hierarchy. Of scarcity. Be they analytical or wildly creative humans, those hats seem to have no effect on our human ability to get entangled in illusion.

That I feel helpless when I encounter brilliant people who are still held captive by their minds. Who are still prisoners of their own beliefs, and won’t consider a 7th side to a dice.

I also know that I’m embraced by deep delicious peace when

I then remember that all is OK, and I allow what is to be.

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When I stop thinking that I know what’s best for others or how they should behave, and instead focus on my own betterment, my own self-improvement and how I can be of service. When I allow myself to be me, and to feel those heavier feelings as well though, as to heal.

When I own all my light and own up to all my shadows. When I remember we are all in this together, but that I have a choice, and that I can choose to surrender to the unknown.

That I feel serene when I’m not trying to control the now. That I feel empowered when I sense the cosmic intelligence flow through my human veins. Empowered when I sense that I’m being moved by the same force as moves planetary bodies. Moves me, a tiny human being. Oh how vast we are!

I know that looking in the eyes of my beloved makes me smile and ignites the fire in my heart because his energy stirs my soul. I know that walking barefoot in the grass and on mossy hills makes me feel nurtured and cared for and also that insincerity and being left out saddens me terribly.

I know that the movement of life inspires me to create, write and paint. To sing, dance and drum. That all new life, a new blade of grass, a budding flower and a newborn baby… and the thought of all the little puppies of this world, fill me with joy.

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And, that death to me is synonymous with new beginnings.

That the amber glow from lit candles makes me feel all warm inside. That wearing a black eyeliner puts me in a theatrical mood and jumping into airplanes feels exotic to me. That melted cheese is one of my favorite foods and that I love the velvety touch of a ruby red wine

I know that roses liven up my day, and that I love my dog’s fluffy ears and wet nose and that her four perfect paws can save my day. That I’m grateful for having the ability to voice my concerns, for being brave and courageous. For freedom.

That sometimes writing moves me into a trance-like state and that dancing fills my body with life. That rainbows make me gasp in wonder, and that babbling brooks are music to my ears. Also, that in the face of ignorance, I can be as gentle as a soft sung lullaby yet as fierce as a mother lioness. Ready to act and protect.

I may not know the answers to the mysteries of the universe.

I won’t pretend that I know why we are here.

What I do know though, without a shadow of a doubt, is that I’m wildly grateful for life, it’s humming wisdom and enigmatic beauty.

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That I’m eternally grateful for the opportunity to take on the challenge of being human.

To love, only to have my heart broken, and then to love again.

To get to know my ego-self, only to be hurt by it, and then to blossom through our reconciliation ~ Through seeing Truth. Becoming Truth ~ Together ~ In service.

To journey beyond balance to find myself flowing in harmony.

To taste the juice of life

The honey

The nectar

… running down my chin, dripping from my fingers.

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༄ Sóley White

2016 Iceland

Image credit: Veneris Mater by Heather Heininge. @hheininge